Just Venting!

Beware! Beware! Beware! This is going to be one of those complaining posts. If you don't want to hear it just move on and don't read. I just need to vent after the last 2 days I have had.

I was called in to work yesterday and the day before to do speech for the morning shift for a sick gal at work. Which was just fine. It makes for a longer day but the extra hours are always nice.

I did say yes with some reluctance because I knew the classes she works in. One of the gals in one of the classes is....lets just say, "not very nice." She has a way of making others feel like crap. Especially Me! We have had some problems in the past but I have worked so hard to resolve them and move on. She on the other hand hasn't and probably never will.

I have to mention when I was looking for work again after closing my studio I kept praying to Heavenly Father that the school wouldn't be the answer. Specifically because of this person. As I went to reapply at the school after applying everywhere else I told the Lord to please not let it work out if it wasn't meant to be. Sure enough I got hired that day and have had to trust him in this.

Anyways, the last two days have been miserable. Since I began at the school at the beginning of Nov she has ignored me every time I see her. I continue to say Hi and just get shut down. She always mentions how her daughter takes dance from the best dance teacher there is in town and no one is better. She says mean things about my family and and always talks about how much money she has. This always happens on cue right as I walk in the classroom.

Before I went in to work yesterday morning my husband told me that he didn't know how much more of working overtime he could take. He woke up the other morning with bad chest pains and scared me badly. After evaluating the problem it seems that it might have just been a panic attack .He has been getting them a lot lately. I'm sure a lot of it has to do with all the extra work he does just for us to make it. He already takes medicine for his cholesterol (genetic reasons, he is very fit) and I know that police officers have a high rate of heart attacks because of all of the stress. It has left me contemplating on getting more hours at the school as they become available. It is the last thing I want to do. It makes the day very long and I already feel like my house is falling apart and I am missing all of my kids things not to mention feeding my family after 7 each night.

Back to my venting. This girls biggest complaint yesterday was whether she would buy a $500,000 house or a $400,000 house when they move this year and what school she can put her son in so he can be drafted out of high school to BYU.

I went home and looked at my old house that has been nothing but a money trap. I was exhausted from two long days at work and hugged my husband who was on his way out the door to do another overtime traffic shift knowing I wouldn't see him again until the next day. I checked in on my oldest son who has been suffering from terrible depression and just cried.

I know it is so dumb. I am better than this. I shouldn't let someone else get to me. I know I have the right to decide how my day is going to be. I guess I just don't understand how somebody can be so mean. I try so hard to ignore it. It is just so hard when it is happening intentionally. Everyone tells me to keep being the better person. Well I don't want to be the better person anymore! I have never had anyone hate me like this and it just plain hurts! I feel like I am a very nice person. I try hard to see the good in everyone even if they are not very nice. I am a very loyal friend and family member. I am also very forgiving. I don't like hurting others at all. I do feel like I carry myself with integrity and I am not afraid to stick up for those being treated poorly or defend my beliefs. Maybe that is what got me into this.

I firmly believe that there are lessons in everything. After so many years of this I am just struggling to find them.

I am trying to follow the Lords example. I know that this too will pass. Like I mentioned before, she is moving. It has just been hard. And I just needed to get it off my chest. My apologies to any of you that took the time to read this post.