I can do hard things!

Lately I have been struggling with a lot of anxiety. Luckily, I have a friend of mine and a cute sister that have been open about the same problem. It has given me more strength to be honest about it and cope with it better. It has also helped me realize that a panic attack isn't an instant "crazy" diagnoses.

I'm sure a lot of it is that I have added a lot to my plate recently. School is just a few days away and I am feeling more and more insecure about it. I am afraid if I find out that it is more than I can take on right now then I will look like a failure. But yet I still know that I am a strong person and need to at least try. I keep asking myself why I was so stupid and didn't go before I had kids like all the smart people did. Oh well, we live with the choices we make and move on.

I realize that this is a venting post instead of a real upbeat one. But, since I use this as a journal I am hoping to look back on this and realize that I can do hard things.

I'm so grateful for such a good husband. He has reassured me when I am feeling insecure and has let me cry on his shoulder daily (believe me, it has been daily lately.)He always tells me that I am stronger than I think I am. I'm glad he sees that in me even when I can't see it at the time.

I hope everyone has a great new year. I love the fresh start that each new year brings and hope we can all help each other achieve our new goals.(Even if they are hard ones!)

Christmas Dance Recital

Livie taping the floor. What a good helper girl


Allred Family and Medina's (we dedicated our recital to their family)


Ellie and Cami


Olivia and Alesia


Decorations


My sister Robyne painted this adorable house for me last year and My step Dad made it.


Last night was our Christmas Dance Recital. We held it at Cedar High School. I like using that school because they have the best people to work with. They are always so helpful. Its also fun because I spent many years performing on that stage.

We did have some problems with the music which was a first, but it still turned out great. I can't believe we are all ready half way through he "dance year."

I am so lucky to have such a great family that helps with everything. This year my sisters couldn't make it and I missed them terribly.

We dedicated our performance to a friend of ours who is battling cancer. His daughter Allison Allred takes dance from me. It made the night even a little more special.

I was also able to perform with one of the groups. That was so fun! I definitely can't move the way I did when I was 16 but I remembered how much I love performing.

I'm so thankful for the opportunity to do what I love for a living. I am so blessed!

Shop with A Cop

Uncle Ric, The Jolly Elf

Olivia Wrapping Presents

Amanda(one of my Young Women girls) and her little friend

Here they come!

Breakfast at the High School

Today was Shop with a Cop. This is always so much fun for my husband. They start the day out by meeting "there kids." Then the Elks lodge puts on a big breakfast. This year they had breakfast at the High School. After that they head down Main Street with light and sirens until they get to Walmart. They always hope they will have enough money to do it. But somehow it always works out.

My kids and I wanted to help out so we met them at Walmart. As they pulled in, kids were on the radios yelling Merry Christmas. The Officers take the kids Shopping, after they are done they head over to the Garden Center to get their presents wrapped.

Victor and Olivia helped wrap gifts and Emilio and Alesia went with Carlos and myself to help shop with his kids. I am always amazed at how many kids want to buy for family members instead of themselves.

On the way home my kids kept saying how much they loved helping others. Olivia said it really helped her see what Christmas was all about. Alesia told me she wanted to give all her gifts to other kids.

I know that at times it feels like we don't have much. But I am so grateful for what we do have. And I am so grateful for unselfish children who have really learned what the true meaning of Christmas is. I hope they always remember the feelings they had today. Taking them may have been one of the best gifts Carlos and I could have ever given them. This will always be a great tradition for our family.

To ride the bus? Or not to ride the bus.

Yesterday my sons school bus was involved in a accident. Apparently the bus driver missed a stop and slammed on her brakes causing 3 cars behind her to crash. (keep in mind this info is from my son so I hope it is accurate)

Anyways, we happened to be behind the bus and pulled over to see if anyone needed help. The sheriffs dept was there within minutes. And before you knew it the whole place was covered in ambulances. Just a side note, this happened in Enoch. It took the sheriffs dept 2 minutes to respond driving from town. It took Enoch PD 12 minutes. (whats wrong with that picture?) And Yes, I did time it.

Last year my 2 other children's bus driver hit a boy on a bike. Sending him straight to life flight. It was very traumatic for my little ones.

So my question is...... is sending my kids on the bus a good idea or not. To make things worse, when I got to the bus yesterday I tried to get my son off. The bus driver started screaming at me telling me no one would be getting off. My answer to her was excuse me, you just caused a serious accident do you think I want you driving my son home the rest of the way. I don't think so.

I always thought the school policy was in an event of a crisis or accident parents were allowed to pick up there own children. I guess I am just crazy for thinking that.

So to say I am a little disappointed would be an understatement. There, I got it off my chest.

Weekend Fun!

On Saturday morning my dance group performed at the Heritage Center. I only took 4 classes. I thought that would be easier. It went really good. All of the groups did great. Although, the 3 year olds really let the stage fright take over. They are always so fun and unpredictable.

Then after lunch we headed over to see Santa. Let me tell you, getting a 13 old boy to sit by Santa was almost impossible but he was a good sport. At least long enough for me to take a picture.

After that we went to a parade in town that Carlos was working at. This is usually how we spend "family" time. We just go wherever he is working. If we didn't do that we probably wouldn't see him much.

While we were there Alesia found her friend Macie and Macie's little sister Brooklyn. They have a great Family. I'm so glad Alesia and her are friends. They sat together for a while at the parade. The weather was beautiful and it made it a really nice weekend.

SIDENOTE: I have had several people ask me to post pictures of my dancers. For their safety I have made my own blog for our Dance studio. If you would like to view it please leave your email and I will send you an invite. I will continue to post dance pics of family members on this site.

National Adoption Month...... A little late

Last month (Nov) was National Adoption month. I learned this from a friend of my sisters who adopted her children. I know our stories are a little different but lately I have been thinking about my two kiddos that I adopted.

Victor and Olivia came into my life when I was 19 and dating their Dad. I just adored them. Victor had just turned 3 and Olivia was 1. Victor talked all the time (not much has changed) and Olivia always wanted me to hold her.

When Carlos and I decided to get married I thought I would be playing the role of a step parent but quickly realized that they needed the stability of a Mom that would always "be there."

The adoption process was very long, stressful and emotional. Carlos and I were also expecting our first child. I am the youngest and really didn't have a lot of experience with little ones. At times I wondered what in the world I was doing and often thought perhaps they were better off without me.

After two years their adoption went through! Every time we got close before, we would have another setback. It was such a relief to have the judge say that they were mine. I was even able to give Olivia my middle name.

I obviously made and still make a lot of mistakes. In the beginning it was hard to forge that bond that comes naturally with your own children. I remember my Mom telling me on a difficult day that "they were not my kids, they were my Heavenly Fathers and he was trusting me to be the best parent I could be for them." That day everything changed.

Victor is now 13 and will be in High School next year. He is such a good kid. He recently served as the Deacon's quorum president. Last year he kept a 4.0 for the whole year. He got a plaque for his hard work. He has such a sensitive heart. If he See's someone crying he will cry (just like me.)

Olivia is always wanting to help and puts everyone before herself. She will be 12 in a month and will soon be in Young Women's with me (I can't wait!) She loves her siblings so much. I often call her " The Little Mommy."

I never would have thought that this is what Heavenly Father had in store for me when he gave me the gift of motherhood but I am grateful for adoption and the opportunity to also give birth to wonderful children. I am reminded everyday of just how special "our story" is.

Thank you Miriam for helping me remember what a blessing adoption is!

The picture is from our wedding day