I'm One of Those Moms

QUESTION FOR THE DAY: If God only gives us what we can handle, does that mean we have to handle it well?

That is how I am feeling today. The last few nights have been so rough with my baby. His monitor has been going off about every 5 minutes at night. And the moment I finally get him awake enough to try to fix the issues I end up staying up just because I am afraid to fall asleep and have something happen to my little guy. Some days I amaze myself that I am still barely functioning as a human being.

I just started back to work at the school last week and as the Mom's were bringing in their little ones with health issues they would stop and talk to me and see how things were going with my baby.We would talk about the different monitors and equipment and they would give me some advice on what was working better for them.

In the past those of us working at the preschool would look at these Mom's and say to each other "how do they do it?"

As we were wrapping up our conversations one of the Mom's said to me "I don't know how you are doing it." At that moment I had a revelation that I am now "One of those Mom's"

No my baby's issues aren't the same as some of theirs, some of their children are very severe and they will deal with their children's health problems for a very long time, some don't want to deal with what I am but nonetheless the feeling is the same between all of us. None of us asked for the trials we are having none of us ever expected it, none of us wanted to be part of this group. All of us would gladly take on these issues for our children in a heartbeat. Nothing hurts more as a Mom than to see your little ones have some problems that others don't.

I have been thinking lately that we need an updated family picture. I have been contemplating how to time it on a day that we can take off his cute little round tender grips that are on his cheeks. Then I got thinking about my reasoning about why I needed them off for a family picture. Was it because I wanted him to seem more like a normal child? Or was I just embarrassed? Then the thought came to my head that why would I put him through the pain of taking them off. He cries so much when they come off and it breaks my heart. Another thought came to me that it doesn't matter. This is our life and we have nothing to hide. He is precious no matter what. Stickers and all.

The bottom line is that I know beyond everything that our little guy is meant to be ours. We prayed so long for him and all of us know that a healthy pregnancy doesn't always ensure a healthy baby.I just struggle to know why God thinks that I can do it. Some days I just feel like I can't and then other days I feel a little stronger. I know that we will get through the problems we are having and be better for it but for right now I just wish I had a little clarity and a lot more faith in myself. And a little more sleep.