Hi my name is Kari and I'm a control freak. Whew! I'm glad I got that off my chest. Silly I know, but lately I have been trying to get to the root of some of the wedges that come between me and my kids. The bottom line always comes back to the fact that I AM A CONTROL FREAK!
Oh how it pains me to admit this but its true. From the time they were little I was choosing what they wore, what they ate, how their hair was cut, who their friends were, what grades they got and so on. The really sad part is, not much has changed.
I don't know why I do it. I guess a lot of it comes down to me not liking change. If things go the way I want them to go then my life feels less chaotic. I don't like not being in control of myself, my kids or my situation. (so sad, I know.)
Now that my kids are getting older, I have had to back off and just let natural consequences take place even though it practically gives me a panic attack sitting back watching it unfold.
If I tell my son not to sag his pants well I can be pretty sure as soon as he gets to school he's gonna do it just to tick me off. If my oldest daughter hates putting anything girly on then I just have to sit back and let it be. (this one is soooo hard for me. I'll admit it)
It all really comes back to control. The more I try to control them, the more they fight me for control and rebel. I am finding that I can't watch them every minute of the day. And that by me controlling them I am not allowing them to make mistakes and turn into the person that they are supposed to be. Even if its not what I have envisioned. I have decided it's not my right to rob them of "life experiences" good or bad just because I want to be in control of every situation.
So, if you see my youngest going to school with 8 different necklaces on, a shirt and pants that don't match and her hair in a sloppy pony. Don't judge. Just Know that it is part of my "treatment" to help me be less controlling and let her try to find her "true self."
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2 comments:
I've been there and it's hard, but I promise the sooner you stop controlling them the better you relationship will be. The day I gave up doing Katy's hair was a hard day, but there comes a day they need to be independent. It's all part of the plan our kids get to choose. It will all be fine. So what if Alesia wears 8 necklaces to school she's still adorable and so are you!
Not unusual emotions for moms. I seem to remember trying to control a few of my kids too!! It's just that you've been there and remember the consequences and don't want them to have to learn the hard way too. Unfortunately...you don't get to choose for them forever and they have to make their own mistakes and learn from them like you did. You turned out great...they will too!!
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