Recently it has seemed that all my "best made plans" haven't turned out as "best" as I would like them. It has caused me to be so critical of myself.
Every year, at the beginning of the new year I set the "ever so common" goal to lose weight and stay in shape. The last few years I have felt like I have done a pretty good job at maintaining where I am. This year I hit the treadmill hard for about a week and ended up sick for about week. I climbed back on for 2 more days and ended up sick yet again....Pathetic, I know!
It caused me to be so bummed out. I have found myself wondering why I just can't master this. I have also found myself feeling really kind of down and out. I'm usually a pretty positive person. I try hard to look on the bright side of things. I have been watching others and thinking, Gee, I wish I was as cute as them, Gee I wish I could eat whatever I want and not have to worry about anything and Gee, they sure have cute clothes.....I want cute clothes like that. Once again, pathetic I know!
I have also been watching my husband go to training after training the last few years and receive so many certificates of achievement he is constantly advancing and "making something" of himself. While I am just kind of here doing the same old thing.
So, I am deciding to try to look on the positive side and really start loving me for me. I have made of list of things that I am insecure about but I am going to try to see the bright side of them.
1ST- I will ALWAYS have to exercise! This is just a part of me and will always have to be. I will quit weighing myself and embrace my weight no matter what it is as long as I am truly trying and truly happy. This can't be about weight it has to be about mentally feeling fantastic and keeping myself healthy.
2ND- I will quit looking at what others have and wishing I had the same. It is ok if I don't have a camp trailer, four wheelers, a new house or a brand new outfit everyday. I have a roof over my head, a husband that adores me (I think) and children who mean everything to me.
3RD - I will daily commit myself to improving my testimony and acknowledging that my Heavenly Father knows all of my insecurities and loves me unconditionally. When I am feeling down I will get on my knees and ask him to help me see the beauty and Individual Worth that he sees in me even if I can't see it at that time.
4TH- If I don't accomplish things right when I want to it doesn't make me a failure. God doesn't make failures nor did he send me here to fail. I will look at everyday little accomplishments as big ones. Even if it is learning a new recipe that the whole family likes, finishing all the laundry in one day or getting kids to every appointment on time without cussing.
There it is! My new goals. Sad I know, but I feel like if I can be more positive and look to the positive, life will be more enjoyable for me and others around me. Wish me luck!
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5 comments:
Yeah...I understand. I look at you and think I wish I was tall, tan, thin and had nice hair like Kari. I think you dress nice and are nice and you used to have a travel trailer. I was quite jealous of that! I think we naturally see all that is good and beautiful in others and our flaws are up close and magnified!!
What would I do without my Val! You always have a way of making me feel better even when I am sounding like a fool.
P.S. I always wanted to be your height with blonde hair and also wished I wasn't allergic to animals like you. Touche'
Love ya Va!
I love how you can put into words exactly what I'm feeling but can't express! I hate it when I find myself feeling insecure about my looks, hair, clothes, etc. I try not to compare myself to other people...but it's really hard! Thanks for your post!
I think everyone has these insecurities...I know I definately do. Your friend Valerie said it best when she talked about how easy it is to look at others and see all the good and beautiful, but as for ourselves we have to sift through seeing our flaws first. Kari, you are so beautiful and I think you're such an amazing person. I appreciate your honesty and hope that I, too, can be more positive this year!
Kari, I remember listening to a conference talk one year about paying tithing. The speaker said that one of the blessings that comes from paying our tithing is contentment for the material things in life. Heavenly father blesses us to be content and satisfied with what he has given us if we will pay our tithing. I thought about it and it really is a great blessing to be content. I think we all struggle at times with our insecurities weather material, physical, or emotional. Just remember that you are a daughter of a king. He loves you. He wants you to be happy with yourself. Remember Satans greatest tool is discouragement. If he can get us discouraged about ourselves we are much less likely to serve others and our heavenly father. I love how honest you are in your post. It is nice to know that others have some of the same struggles as me. I love you Kari!
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